Competitor or Companion?

I was recently talking with a friend who had a different perspective than mine. I noticed that whenever she was about to express an opinion, she would say, "I'm sorry Tom, but I believe..."  Eventually I asked her why she kept apologizing. She replied that she wanted to be sure that our relationship was solid enough that it would not be damaged by our differences.  I tried to assure her that we would still be friends even if our perspectives differed. I valued the truth enough to want to learn about her view of reality even if it was different than my mine.

I believe that relationships are everything and I've been wondering about why it is so hard to develop a trusting relationship with someone with whom we disagree. I think it is because trust requires giving up control which makes us vulnerable. If we are not convinced that the other person loves us enough to protect us, then we dare not trust them. 

I think this may be why it is so difficult to have discussions about human sexuality within the United Methodist Church. The issue has so often been framed as a win-lose competition for control of the church.  I've come to the conclusion that it is not possible to trust a person if they are seen as a competitor. This is because a competitor is someone whose main objective is to win against an opponent.  As long as we see another person as our competitor vying for a mutually exclusive goal, then we will not feel safe to engage them in an honest conversation.  Fear comes from our weaknesses being used against us.  

But what if we re-framed the issue within the church from a competition with winners and losers to companions seeking a common goal?  That goal would be learning how to live together and best make disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the world. If Jesus taught us to love our enemies, then how much more true is it that we should love members of our own families and treat them with respect even when we disagree? This is a ministry of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:16-19). It will include conversations where people can disagree and still feel safe, valued and heard. 

The world is always watching how Christians treat each other and it will affect our witness to those outside the church.  When we invite Jesus to be included in our relationships with other people, we will be compelled to seek both truth and love. Then even people who disagree can feel safe and learn to trust each other.  Kind of like a wolf and a lamb feeding together in peace (Isaiah 65:25).  Wouldn't that be a cool thing to see?  I believe that God can give us a taste of that coming glory in our relationships today.

The Church in an Experience Economy

I heard a story last week on public radio about problems at McDonalds, the worlds largest restaurant chain. Sales are down as the mega fast food store is facing stiff competition from other restaurants and a changing demand from customers.  What made McDonalds so popular in the past was the convenience of fast food that tasted good for a low price.  (OK, good taste is debatable, but you get the idea.)  But now customers are seeking healthier options and gourmet coffees. So McDonalds is trying to change, but it is struggling.  

Their recent marketing strategy was seen in their Super Bowl commercial to "Pay with lovin." Random customers are given their food for free if they will do something such as call their mother or give someone a hug. It has nothing to do with the food, and everything to do with the experience. 

A friend who is the manager of a shopping mall recently enlightened me on the change that has been happening in our economy.  The theory is that the primary driver of the economy has shifted over the years from the production of commodities to the offering of goods and services and now to creating experiences for people. In other words, customers are looking not just for a product to purchase, but also for an experience they have in the process. ("The Experience Economy" by Pine and Gilmore.) Starbucks is one of the best examples of this approach. It is the experience of people doing something nice that McDonalds hopes will appeal to customers.  

Who knows if it will work for McDonalds, but what does this mean for followers of Jesus? I have lifted up a vision for the United Methodist Churches in the Northwest District of Iowa that we will be successful when people are experiencing God, living out of their relationship with Jesus and can share their story with others. Experiencing God is not just something that happens in a church building. In can happen while reading the Bible, or while viewing a sunset, or in a baby's touch, or in a relationship with another person. It is a living relationship with God that gives meaning to every moment of our lives. 

The thing about an authentic experience of God is that it can't be manipulated and it's not for sale. It can only be, well, experienced. And that is what followers of Jesus can offer to others: a story of their own experience of God and an invitation to others to see for themselves. So a starting point for followers of Jesus is to indeed be aware of their own experience of God. I've been encouraged by another book entitled, "Shift: Helping Congregations Back into the Game of Effective Ministry". Author Phil Maynard writes that one of five mental shifts needed in churches today is the shift in thinking of worship as an event to worship as a lifestyle. Can you point to how you have experienced God this week? 

Next I encourage pastors and church leaders to ask themselves, "what kind of an experience do people have through a connection with our church?" What do people honestly feel during a time of worship? How do people experience God through serving outside the church in the community? Providing opportunities for people to experience God as a group and individually has always been a primary task of the church. 

Because living as a disciple of Jesus with a transformed heart is the ultimate experience.