Competitor or Companion?

I was recently talking with a friend who had a different perspective than mine. I noticed that whenever she was about to express an opinion, she would say, "I'm sorry Tom, but I believe..."  Eventually I asked her why she kept apologizing. She replied that she wanted to be sure that our relationship was solid enough that it would not be damaged by our differences.  I tried to assure her that we would still be friends even if our perspectives differed. I valued the truth enough to want to learn about her view of reality even if it was different than my mine.

I believe that relationships are everything and I've been wondering about why it is so hard to develop a trusting relationship with someone with whom we disagree. I think it is because trust requires giving up control which makes us vulnerable. If we are not convinced that the other person loves us enough to protect us, then we dare not trust them. 

I think this may be why it is so difficult to have discussions about human sexuality within the United Methodist Church. The issue has so often been framed as a win-lose competition for control of the church.  I've come to the conclusion that it is not possible to trust a person if they are seen as a competitor. This is because a competitor is someone whose main objective is to win against an opponent.  As long as we see another person as our competitor vying for a mutually exclusive goal, then we will not feel safe to engage them in an honest conversation.  Fear comes from our weaknesses being used against us.  

But what if we re-framed the issue within the church from a competition with winners and losers to companions seeking a common goal?  That goal would be learning how to live together and best make disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the world. If Jesus taught us to love our enemies, then how much more true is it that we should love members of our own families and treat them with respect even when we disagree? This is a ministry of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:16-19). It will include conversations where people can disagree and still feel safe, valued and heard. 

The world is always watching how Christians treat each other and it will affect our witness to those outside the church.  When we invite Jesus to be included in our relationships with other people, we will be compelled to seek both truth and love. Then even people who disagree can feel safe and learn to trust each other.  Kind of like a wolf and a lamb feeding together in peace (Isaiah 65:25).  Wouldn't that be a cool thing to see?  I believe that God can give us a taste of that coming glory in our relationships today.